top of page
  • Dionne Bowen

Losing Nia & Gaining Johari …The Rainbow in the Darkness

Updated: Oct 29, 2021

I have always been an extremely optimistic, bright and confident person. I have been continuously blessed with wonderful experiences and people who love me. I was blessed with the most beautiful little girl anyone had ever seen, a wonderful partner who adored me, a lovely home in the countryside and a job that I loved, in short I had the perfect life! I felt as though my joyful existence was a reward from God for having a loving heart and looking after those around me. I felt as though my bond with my creator was so strong that everything would always be okay and nothing could ever go wrong. This was until the day when my entire world shattered around me. On June 22nd 2017 my princess, my daughter, my everything passed away. Nia was only 2 years old, she wasn’t ill, she just didn’t wake up that morning. Only a mother who has lost a child can understand the all-consuming pain, anger and darkness that grabs hold of you at this time. This was the first time that I had truly experience the feeling of hate, I hated myself for not being able to save my baby, I hated my in-laws for not spotting that something was wrong with Nia (I know it wasn't their fault) but worst of all, I hated God. How could he watch me suffer? How could he rip my princess away from me? How could he leave me when I needed him most? These thoughts plagued me continuously and I couldn’t see a way out.

Sunset & Living in the Darkness

I felt as though God had demoted me, he had taken my motherhood and left me a ‘no body’. Being faithless and childless sunk me into a deep depression. The world all at once became an extremely frightening place for me. I became a shell of myself, too petrified to leave the house alone in the fear that something terrible was going to happen. I stopped writing, I stopped teaching, I stopped socialising and I stopped believing. I developed severe anxiety and at one point I considered taking my own life. The only thing that had stopped me from ending the pain and joining my baby was the love of my family and friends. They held me together when I was falling apart at the seams. They supported me, loved me and never judged me, they never left my side and slowly they rebuilt a very damaged and very scared girl.

Sunrise & My Rainbow Baby

In 2018 I had my second daughter Johari-Jai and she bought such happiness and joy into my life. She help me to heal and helped me to realise that I needed to love with my entire heart and without fear. Johari is my hero!

As I recall the events from the summer of 2017 until now I realise that God never left me. I doubt I will ever truly understand why Nia was called home, but I know that God surrounded me with an army of angels (my loved ones) to get me through the darkest moments of my life. I realise that he never demoted me as, my motherhood was never taken because that bond transcends the physical realm, it is endless, formless and timeless. I now know that I will always be Nia’s mummy and beside this he gave me a second chance to create life and to hold a beautiful baby girl in my arms once again. And for that I will be forever thankful.

My Motive

I want to be able to help people like me, I want to show parents who have suffered this devastating loss that they will be able to live, laugh and love again as long as they hold on.

I write books to celebrate and honour my magical daughters. Nia’s Story: Simply Beautiful Me! is my first self-published title. It is all about my love for my little one. I have other titles in the works celebrating Johari and thanking her for saving me.

I lovingly and willingly share my story of love and loss in the hope that it may be able to add to somebody’s healing.

41 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All


bottom of page